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Cutting and Self-Harm: A way through the pain


For the last several months, my 15-year-old daughter has been acting withdrawn and secretive, and getting upset whenever I ask her what’s wrong. She’s also only been wearing long sleeve shirts, even in this warmer weather. Yesterday she opened up enough to show me her arms, which have multiple scratches and cut lines on them. She’s been cutting. I still don’t know why. I told her we’d get through this together, but I feel terrified. I don’t know how got here, so how can we make our way out? — Heartbroken Mama...


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How do I deal with sibling rivalry?


My kids seem to fight constantly. They can be so mean to each other! I feel like I’m constantly mediating and sorting out their differences, and sometimes I just want to walk away. But I worry they will grow up hating each other if I don’t help them smooth things over. My siblings and I are so close, and I don’t want them to miss out on that. — Losing it...


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Wondering about my teen daughter and weight


My early teen daughter has begun gaining weight. How do I let her know that she’s beautiful and that weight doesn’t matter, but also help her make better choices? Should I get involved or ignore it? I have several friends who had a weight problems growing up and have struggled with self-worth when they were teens. I don’t want my daughter to have to deal with that, but I also don’t want to cause further issues. How do I push against society’s standards of women’s beauty but also help her make healthy choices? — Wondering about Weight...


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How do I support my daughter through lockdown drills?


My daughter is going into kindergarten next year and will have to take part in the school’s lockdown drills. She’s a really anxious kid, and I’m worried that the drills will terrify her. Also, the thought of having to prepare her for school shootings makes me feel overwhelmed, teary, and a little furious. What can I do to manage my own emotions and make the experience less scary for her, too? — Anxious Mom...


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When shame encounters the God who is Love


Here’s a composite memory: I am five, eight, twelve, sixteen years old. I’ve sassed my mother, or lied to my father. I’ve ruined a new dress, stayed out too late, misbehaved in church, or ignored my chores. I’ve failed in some way, trivial or terrible, and I’ve been caught. But the most painful part of the memory is not the discovery. It’s what happens after I’m caught, after I apologize, after I’m punished and sent to my room. The darkest part is the shame....


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Where in the world are our kids?


These days we communicate via cell phone, email, texting, Facebook, Twitter, Skype and who knows what else. Regardless where our children roam, we expect to be able to stay in touch with them. Some of us live under the illusion that because we are able to reach our children, we somehow can keep them safe.This was not true in the 1980’s when my brother-in-law, Richard, was in college and an ornithologist-in-training. ...


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